The End Of The Beginning, The Beginning Of The End
by hmw95
Summary: And I sit here, writing this letter with the knife still in my chest and with Klunk sitting in my lap. Great. Now my blood is staining the paper. Not-so-oneshot!
1. What Happened To Us?

(A/N: I know, I know… I am working on Valentine's Day AND the sequel to it… I am also home sick, and it really sucks. But I was watching one of the lost episodes at 9:00 this morning, and this idea came to my mind. This is to cure my temporary and MILD (thank god) writer's block. So… Here it is!!!)

Dear Family,

I should've never gone out.

You all gave such strange looks when I stated that I wanted to go out for a run. I mean, I never do. You guys said that you'd pass for tonight, leaving me alone.

You guys didn't even realize this was the night that I'd need you most!

After you guys told me that, I left. For the first hour of my loneliness, I was on our rooftop, Leo, sobbing. And you others, yes, you were wrong! You were always saying 'oh, I am the closest to him', when you guys are far from it!

At least he understood me!

Well… Um… After that, I was angry, not with you guys, but with myself. I don't even know why I was even crying anymore… When did I become so weak? God… I am so stupid. So vulnerable… Now my tears are hitting the paper. Now some of my words are smudged. Wow.

But when I was angry with myself, I began to have bad thoughts. So I ran.

But that was stupid on my part.

I got jumped.

Stupid Foot Ninjas. Stupid me. I thought I was going to win. I wasn't prepared. I didn't expect the last ninja to have a long knife in his hand. Everything went in slow motion as his knife, stronger metal than I expected, went straight through my plastron. So close to my heart. Before he even had a chance to give a stupid, victorious grin, I smacked him upside the head with one of my chucks.

I slowly dragged myself back to the Lair.

That's how I found myself in this position. I am sitting here, on the couch, writing this meaningless letter, knife still stuck in my chest, with Klunk lying on my lap.

Great. Now my blood is staining this paper.

But sitting here, I find that I really was ungrateful for most of the things you guys gave me.

Splinter, you gave me endless comfort in my saddest of stages, and you gave me a home to live in.

Raph, you gave me loyalty and discipline. I thank you for that… So much.

Don, you gave me at least some brains and a good common sense.

Leo, you gave me endless love and understanding. You were better of a big brother than I could ever ask for.

When did breathing become so tough to do?

Every few seconds now I am blinking black spots out of my eyesight.

I stroke Klunk's soft orange fur, careful not to get any red splotches in his fur.

The pain is getting unbearable… I bet my writing now just looks like a whole bunch of squiggles. I hope not. I still have things to say.

Sensei, keep my nunchucks safe. Keep my brothers happy. That's all I need to ask of you.

Raph, try not to kill anybody okay? I hope we can still be awesome buds in turtle heaven.

Don, do not let this stop your smarts. You need to continue what you do. It makes you the way you are.

Leo, do not blame this on yourself. Just keep being a great leader, big brother, and friend to everybody else, okay?

I love you four… So much… As I may of said at times, I would die for you… Like I am now.

Be careful, and don't be too upset about me. We all need to die at our own times. My time just happens to be tonight.

I don't know how much longer I am going to be awake… So I should end this letter.

Just remember, my family…

This may be the end of the beginning… But this is the beginning of the end.

I'll miss you.

Don't keep me waiting too long.

Heaven can be a lonely place.

Love in life and death,

A friend.

A son.

A brother.

Michaelangelo.


	2. World of Make Believe

(A/N: Hey everybody! Um… Yeah. This story is a not so one shot. Haha. Well, I am still having a bit of trouble with Valentine's Day. I'm still working on it. And, this story will have two more chapters after this one. One chappy for each turtle. It's actually kind of funny, because this chapter inspired a poem that I had to do in English. AND in more news, I added a dedication thing onto my bio on my profile. If you guys are interested check it out.)

Dear Michaelangelo, 

Hey bro. I miss you.

You know you missed our eighteenth birthday, Mikey? 

It wasn't nearly as fun with out you…

I just wish you didn't leave the way you did… If only I went with you that night… I wouldn't be crying, clutching your bloodied orange bandana in my hands, reading your death letter over and over. 

I was scared that morning, you know. 

I knew something was wrong the moment I didn't hear your light snoring in the room next door to mine. I was about to tie on my trademark purple bandanna, when I heard a loud scream. I quickly threw my bandanna down and ran to the living room. My breath hitched when I saw Leo holding your body repeating his scream over and over until the screams died down into loud sobbing. 

I didn't believe it. I still don't. That was an actor wasn't it? 

You never left.

Someday you'll jump out and we will laugh, knowing it was one of your common pranks.

Aren't you?

Well… I've got to go to practice with Sensei and our other brothers… I write you another one tomorrow, or even later tonight. 

Make sure I'm the first to see you when you come back, okay?

Then we can surprise everyone else too!

Love,

Big Bro Donny

Dear Mike,

Hey, again. 

Geez… It's been awhile since I have written to you. 

When you come back, I will give these letters to you. 

But I must warn you; there are a lot of them.

I miss you a lot. Practice was long, tiring, and completely _boring_ without you there. Three just doesn't sound as intimidating as four was. But once you come back home, it will be like it always was. Like old times.

Right?

It's so weird sitting at the dinner table without you, because there are five seats at the table. I still sit with Raph, but Leo looks really lonely when he sits by himself. I can almost see _sadness_ in his eyes. But why should he be sad? Is it because you aren't eating dinner with us anymore?

You should stop playing this game. You should just come out and make everyone happy again. 

I wish everything were right again.

Everyone is sad without you.

The other day, I tried calling you on your shell cell. You didn't pick up. I was going to try again, but then Raph came in and yelled at me, saying you were dead and I needed to move on.

But you're not dead!

I just know it!

The world where you're dead is pretend… 

And I'll be waiting for your comeback Mikey. 

I'll always be waiting.

Love always,

Donatello

(A/N: I almost cried writing this. Made my face burn up, sniffles come… Yeah… Well, I have MORE news! I am now beta-ing stories! Yup, so check out my beta reader profile! Also, I need ideas for the song title to be used for the sequel to Valentine's Day. For more info on that, go to my profile. In last news, I just want to ask, who wants to do a collaboration story with me? We can send each other chappies and write a really awesome story… It can be a more-than-two person thing people! So, thanks for reading.)


	3. Failure Digging So Deep

A/N: Leo's turn

(A/N: Leo's turn. This one actually made me kind of sad. But this fic is supposed to be sad, so I guess it's all right. Also, for people who have read my newest story, the crossover, I know it SUCKS! But, it will get better… I promise!)

Dear Michaelangelo,

Hey bro.

How are you?

Man… I feel like an idiot.

Why am I asking questions to a journal?

Oh yeah… Because Master Splinter said that it will relieve some the grief in this family at the moment.

Right.

Well… Um… I guess I should say a couple of things you missed, shouldn't I? Or how I found your dead body laid out on our couch!

How could you do that to us!? I mean, you could have at least woken one of us up and told us of your condition!

Nothing ever hurt more than that morning Mike… All I did was get up to have my morning cup of tea… But once I left my room, there was a coldness in the Lair. A shiver ran down my spine, and I walked faster away from my door, knowing that something wasn't right. Then I saw your body on our couch… I ran over to you and my heart nearly stopped. I checked your pulse.

None.

You were dead, and you didn't even tell me that you were dying.

I mean… I was supposed to take care of you, Raph, and Don… But I failed with you…

I am not fit to be leader, am I?

I am sorry bro.

Love,

Leonardo – Big Bro

Dear Michaelangelo,

Hey bro, it's me, Leo. I still miss you a lot.

Something has happened, in which I think I must write about it.

One of our brothers has attempted suicide. Yes, I wrote that correctly. Our brother, Raphael, tried to hang himself in his bedroom from a pipe hanging from the ceiling.

Once he went to bed at 9PM I knew something was up. Everyone went to bed shortly after that, and I went to his room to see what was up.

But I wasn't prepared to see him standing on his tall bed with a noose around his neck about to jump. I ran to him.

But I was too late. He jumped. But luckily, he didn't jump right, so his neck didn't snap. I quickly pulled out my katana and cut the rope. He passed out. I was in tears.

Now I am sitting on his bed, and he seems to be in a normal sleep now. I applied ointment to his neck after he passed out. Now his neck is irritated and has red marks where skin broke from the rope.

I can't believe he did that.

Why didn't he talk to me, before he thought of doing something like that?

It's probably because he didn't know he could talk to me about something personal like that. I bet he didn't know about that incident that happened during the time that I struggled with my failure after the defeat of the Utrom Shredder.

I remember that I had a few of my pocketknives set around me. I picked my sharpest one up, and set the edge on my wrist. I saw all of my veins popping out and I shut my eyes tight and pressed harder. I felt skin break, then I heard you say in a serious, stern voice.

"Stop." That word made me break down into tears and you quickly sat next to me and hugged me tightly, wary of the knives surrounding me. You whispered things in my ear, like how I could've told you about my problems and things like that. I eventually calmed down, and then you took me to the bathroom. You cleaned my bleeding wound and bandaged my wrist. When the others asked about it in the morning, you just stated that we went topside and got into a scuffle with some Purple Dragons, and I got a small cut. They bought it.

We never spoke of that since, but I think that this entry was the right time to talk about it.

Well, I'm going to finish watching Raph, and talk to him when he next wakes, so I need to stop writing.

I love you Mikey, and I miss you so much…

I hope you can forgive me for failing you as a brother and a leader…

Love Always and Forever,

Leonardo


	4. But I Feel Better With You Watching Me

1(A/N: -Insert Girly Scream Here- I'M BACK! Well, for a while I thought that I wasn't able to do this chapter, so I asked tons of people to write it for me. But I changed my mind. I think I can do it. Just tell me if I did good, bad, all right, awful, anything. Okay, here it is!! It's the beginning of the end!)

Dear Mike,

Sup bro. It's me, Raph.

I don't even know why I am talking to a journal like this... Its not like I am actually talking to you...

Crap! My neck hurts!

Mike... Mike I miss you a lot... Last night... I... I tried to join you. You know... In the world of the dead.

You know that pipe that is huge at the top of my ceiling? Well, I got some rope and I tried to hang myself last night...

Leo... He saved me.

Right when black spots started appearing, I realized I didn't want to do it anymore. Luckily, Leo came in at the exact moment I began to lose consciousness, and cut me down. I passed out after that.

I woke up, and Leo was awake beside me.

Here's how our conversation went:

"Good Morning Raphael." He whispered.

"Mornin' Leo..." I croaked. My throat seemed to be a bit messed up.

"Why did you do it Raph?" He asked.

"I didn't want to live anymore." I replied.

"Suicide isn't the answer Raphael. Trust me. I know." He said.

"And how would you know that, fearless?!" I snapped.

"Because I tried before." He said.

I was surprised. I mean, Leo, our bro, the fearless, big bad leader, tried to _kill himself_?

He told me that you helped him through that suicidal stage. Why didn't you two tell me about that?

Also, Leo thinks its his fault you...died. I think I convinced him that it isn't though...

After that, I walked into Don's room. He was reading the letter you gave us... that night. Tears filled his eyes. He looked at me. He whispered something, so sad to my ears.

"He's really dead... Isn't he?"

I comforted him as he cried. I realized then that we haven't hugged like that since... Like, forever.

Once his face was dry, I headed back to my room. I sat on my bed and began to write this letter.

You know, I think I can finally see the light in the dark tunnel of your death. This is bringing us closer.

But your dying still scares me. We are the only ones of our kind. Once we're dead, our kind is extinct. And no one would have ever even known we were around. Since you died, does this mean we're going to die too in the near future?

I finally understand what you meant in the letter when you said, 'This is the not the end of the beginning, this is the beginning of the end'.

I miss you so much... It feels like there is a Mikey shaped hole in my heart that will never be filled again.

I also remember another part of your letter. It said to try not to kill anybody and that you hope to still be friends in turtle heaven.

I promise I will not kill anybody. And what made you think I would stop being your friend? Let alone brother?

I love you so much, bro. I'm sorry I never told you that. I miss sparring with you... I miss laughing at the taunts you throw at our opponents when we are in battle. I miss waking up to the smell of your cooking. I also miss feeling the contagious happiness you used to carry with you all the time.

Well, I got to go to practice.

I hope that somehow, you come down from turtle heaven and read this. It would mean a lot.

I will miss you forever and always. Until I die and join you, at least.

Thank you, Mike, for being such a great little brother to me. Thank you for protecting our family from the dark side of the world. Thank you for showing me that it is okay to cry.

Once again, I love you and miss you, and I hope not to keep you waiting too long.

Love,

Your favorite hot head

Your big brother

Raphael


End file.
